


Angel With Crooked Wings

by orphan_account



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV), Thirteen Reasons Why - Jay Asher
Genre: Almost smut, Alternate Universe - Wings, Angel Wings, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Canon, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Hatred, Tony is a precious bean, Wingfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-17
Updated: 2017-06-17
Packaged: 2018-11-15 03:03:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11221926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Clay has a secret he's been keeping for years from Tony that's slowly eating away at his soul. When he finally gets the guts to confront Tony and tell him the truth, it's revealed that Tony is keeping a secret as well.OrClony wingfic no one asked for.





	Angel With Crooked Wings

**Author's Note:**

> !!TW FOR A LOT OF SELF-HATRED!!

Clay Jensen looked hesitantly into the mirror, afraid that he would once again be disgusted with what was permanently attached to his back. He felt an overlying feeling of dread swoop into his stomach as he laid eyes on them, the feathers ruffled and sticking up in all different directions.

* * *

 

Clay was cursed with a pair of small gray wings that he positively loathed. While many would see them as a blessing, he found them useless and trouble-some. What could he do with wings that weren't even big enough to fly with and that had to be constantly strapped down so no one could see them? He sighed as he examined them thoroughly, giving the two a weak flap as he winced at the movement. It had been ages since he had unstrapped them, and even the small flap now felt alien to his sore wings. The strap now laid forgotten on his bed, along with his usual gray hoodie. The dull color of the hoodie matched his wings, which matched perfectly with the seemingly dull boy.

He hated the small size of his wings, and how useless they were because of it. He was envious of the characters on TV who adorned large graceful wings that could carry them through the clouds and allow them to soar to their hearts content. He remembered watching the characters with pure white wings with a scowl on his face as he memorized the gentle way they flapped instead of twitching haphazardly like his did. He longed the days where he could fly just like they could, without a care in the world and escape from the shit show that people at his school referred to as reality. They used to be big enough to slightly lift him off the ground when he was younger, but despite his growth spurt in middle school, his wing span stayed the same size.

He honestly had no idea how he ended up being born with wings, all he knew was that he wasn't worthy of them. Clay would sit around and imagine the possibilities of what someone else more talented and wiser than him would do if they had his wings instead of him, along with fantasizing what Hannah would've thought of them if she had lived long enough for him to man up and reveal them to her. Yet with those thoughts fear seeped into his being. Having wings and being constantly reminded to not show them under any circumstances made him grow paranoid and anxious, and forced him into a never ending corner where he wished he could just disappear into the background and never have to acknowledge the looming fear of anyone finding out that he was more of a freak than everyone originally thought.

Throughout the duration of his whole life, there was only one person who he was barely hesitant to share the secret with; Tony Padilla. The two had became attached at the hip from the moment they met each other when they were younger, and had only grown closer than it even deemed possible thanks to Hannah Baker's unfortunate suicide. Clay felt as if Tony was the only person he had left who truly would never judge him for anything no matter what, and these feelings only amplified his fondness and his affection for the other boy. Unlike most people his age, Clay wasn't that interested about figuring out whether his feelings for Tony were platonic or romantic and having to deal with the mess of teenage hormones that it would bring. Clay didn't know why his drawn to Tony in the same way he was drawn to Hannah, like some invisible force was constantly pushing them together no matter where they went. The only reason he could think of was because of his calm and collected demeanor that soothed Clay from head to toe, and how he could effortlessly stand out and blend into crowds at will. Tony Padilla was an unstoppable and usually gentle force of nature and by some crazy miracle he had lucked out and can call him best friend.

Clay let out a breath he didn't know he was holding in as he snapped back into the present and tugged his hoodie back onto his pale frame. He eyed the strap and savored the last few moments of freedom for his wings before grabbing the rough material. Clay grimaced at the familiar scratching feeling against his fingertips and memories of how uncomfortable the strap was against his delicate feathers flooded into his mind. He blinked harshly as he tossed the strap in the trash, inaudibly leaving it forever. The one thing that Hannah's suicide did teach him was that it was time for a change, and this time for good. No more secrets and no more uncomfortable fabric that pushed his wings down in an awkward position. It was time to face the truth that he had been avoiding for years despite him knowing that he couldn't escape it. He had already mulled over the decision plenty of times, and he had come to a final conclusion.

_He was going to show Tony Padilla his wings._

Clay always knew there was no use keeping secrets from Tony, but keeping it in for so long had been slowly driving Clay insane to the point where he just wants to scream and show him the truth. Seeing Tony everyday only fed into his desire to tell him, as it made him realize how truly at peace he was with him and how much he trusted him. Tony Padilla was probably the sweetest person he would ever meet, and he wasn't going to make the same mistake he made with Hannah and wait too long to show him. The thought of coming clean popped into his mind every single time he saw Tony, and it was the ultimate strain to force himself not to tell him. Clay was to the brink and he couldn't do it anymore; it was now or never. Even though he was a walking glob of anxiety, he had hope that by doing this he would for once make the right choice.

With adrenaline coursing through his veins and controlling his legs as he bolted down the stairs, his thoughts to tell Tony after waiting so long screaming louder than his insecurities and doubts ever could, Clay ran out the door and jumped on his bike. He pedaled towards the Padilla house like his life depended on it, and in that moment, Clay could convince himself that it really did.

 _It's now or never_ , his mind repeated.

* * *

Clay immediately ran up to the door, knocking loudly and bouncing on the balls of his feet as anxiety quickly gnawed at his patience. Luckily, the door opened with his third knock revealing Tony's older brother, Alejandro. He looked at Clay quizzically as he gave out a rushed explanation that he had to see Tony immediately which only made Alejandro's face break out into a wide smile. He ushered Clay inside and onto the nearest chair while his smile morphed into a teasing one.

"So, what do you need to tell mi hermano?" He mused directing the teasing smile right at Clay as raised his eyebrows suggestively. Clay felt himself heat up as his wings ruffled defensively, making Clay internally curse himself out for throwing away the strap and allowing his wings to do as they wished.

"I just want to tell him something important," Clay forced out, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible. Something in his tone must have gave his inner turmoil away since Alejandro immediately started cracking up as soon as the words left his mouth.

"Trust me, Tony has something 'important' to tell you too," He joked, only laughing louder at his own joke. Clay just stared at him dumbly in response, which only fueled Alejandro's giggling fit before he starting breathing heavily in attempts to calm himself down from his high. "This is why I love having a gay younger brother."

"You'd do this even if he was straight!" A female voice called from upstairs, and Clay could only pray it was Tony's older sister and not his mom. Alejandro just let out a final amused huff before leading Clay out into the garage, making Clay swear up and down that he wouldn't touch any of the tools or fuck something up despite already being in the garage plenty of times before.

"Also, don't get _too_ touchy with Tony," Alejandro finished, sending a sly wink Clay's way. "Papa would kill you if you guys fucked in the garage. It's like a sanctuary to him."

Clay could only clamp his mouth shut and give a clipped nod as he made his way into the garage. His wings suddenly felt like deadweight on his back as he realized what a mistake he had made. Truly, his only plan was to come to Tony's house unannounced and strip off his shirt just to show Tony his wings out of the blue, no prepping involved. He didn't have a backup plan if it backfired or something went wrong around the way, he was just doing it on a whim. Something deep within him fizzed as he was struck with the sudden realization that he didn't need to have a plan when it comes to Tony. Ever since they were kids, they were naturally drawn together and their dynamic always reflected each other perfectly. Tony was practically perfect in his eyes, and he would always accept Clay no matter what. He felt confidence surge back into his being as he exhaled sharply, repeating to himself that he could do this.

"Clay, _Clay_!"

He blinked, snapping back into reality and realized that Tony's hand was on his shoulder, gently rocking him back into the present. "Jesus, you zoned out there for a second. You ok?" Tony said, retracting his hand from where it was planted on his shoulder. Clay tried not to feel disappointed that Tony let go and just settled for giving him a small reassuring smile, his insides rejoicing when Tony gave a smile back.

"Alejandro told me you needed to tell me something. What's up?" Tony said smoothly, making his way back towards the car he was working on. Clay felt his heart melt at the familiar sight.

"It's something I've been meaning to tell you for a while," Clay responded, internally begging that his voice didn't give away the fact that he was unprepared for this whole situation. "Maybe we should go back to my house, I can practically sense your siblings eavesdropping on us."

The hushed whispers from behind the door only confirmed Clay's thoughts as Tony rolled his eyes and glared at the doorway. The other boy nodded in agreement as they both jumped into the car and drove over to Clay's house. He felt heat rise to his cheeks as he wondered if Tony was driving just a tiny bit faster because he was eager to figure out what he had to tell him. As soon as they arrived both boys bolted upstairs, only sparing a wave to Clay's parents who just gave them a questioning glance because of how eager they were to get upstairs. Clay, being pretty winded from biking to Tony's house and running up two flights of stairs, immediately sat on the bed and felt his stomach leap when Tony sat next to him with no hesitation. He willed himself to focus, not on his best friend but on the secret he had been keeping from everyone not in his immediate family and a few friends that came and went when he was younger. Clay remembered what Alejandro telling him about Tony also having a secret to tell him, and jumped at the opportunity. He figured he would feel more at ease if Tony shared something first, instead of him suddenly shoveling unbelievable information down the other boy's throat.

"Alejandro told me you had something important to tell me, too," Clay commented absentmindedly, trying to make it seem like he didn't just spend the last few minutes mulling over whether or not to bring up the topic. His blood went cold thinking that he had made a mistake as he watched Tony freeze at the question, the boy looking like a deer in headlights. He calmed down quickly since Tony seemingly noticed his discomfort and shot a shaken smile at Clay, trying to erase that he had looked terrified only moments before.

"Alejandro's always getting himself involved with things that have nothing to do with him," Tony groaned, making Clay chuckle as he felt all the fear sluggishly seep out of his body. "I'll tell you after, whatever your secret is must be way more important since we went all the way from my house to yours."

"Ok, Just promise me-" Clay gulped, squeezing his hands together. "Promise me you won't freak out."

Tony gave a nod, planting a reassuring hand on Clay's knee to calm his jumping nerves, before releasing his grasp and allowing Clay to take a deep breath. The blue eyed boy had already decided what he would do to prove to Tony that he had wings. He would show him. Clay had decided that if he just told Tony the other boy would obviously think that Clay was on something and just claiming he had wings. Clay knew he needed to give some proof in order for Tony to believe him, no matter how kind Tony was.

Clay got to his feet and quickly tried taking off his shirt to reveal his wings. He wanted to do it as quick as possible so Tony didn't misread the situation due to Clay's sudden stripping. He mentally cursed himself for being so awkward as he felt his face burning up at the realization that he was taking off his shirt in front of Tony Padilla. He ignored the slight gasp that echoed in his head from Tony's direction, hoping that as soon as he took off his shirt and displayed his wings everything would be explained. He felt his hands clam up and his anxiety pool into his lungs as he felt a strong force pushing the hem of his shirt back down, forcing it to roll back down onto his body. As soon as the fabric was out of Clay's he was met with a baffled Tony Padilla who was staring at him with wide eyes. Tony was usually one of the calmest people you'd ever meet, and Clay was surprised to see Tony's eyes dancing with an emotion he couldn't place. He opened his mouth to try and explain himself, like he should've done before he peeled off his shirt in front of Tony, but was interrupted by a secure pair of arms engulfing and bringing his body into a warm embrace. Clay stood there, frozen, and dutifully confused. His nerves felt like a burning fire was slowly eating them away, turning Clay into puddy in Tony's arms. Tony brought his face up from where it was buried in Clay's collarbone and perched it next to his ear, making Clay's body erupt into shivers.

"Clay, lets talk about this first," Tony whispered into Clay's ear, pushing him even closer against his body. "I've _wanted_ and _waited_ for this for so long- but I want to make sure you know what you're doing."

 _It was want_ , his mind whispered, _the emotion in his eyes was want_.

Clay gawked when the realization hit him. Tony thought he was taking his shirt off to do " _other things_ ". Of course Clay wanted to, but he didn't want to risk them getting to that stage and Tony being disgusted when he saw his wings. He was afraid of Tony being betrayed because Clay took too long to tell him. He didn't want Tony to dive into something so deep without being fully aware of the monstrosity that resided on Clay's back. He didn't want Tony to be fooled into thinking that Clay was just a normal boy and then realize that Clay was just as much of a freak as Bryce was. They both were keeping terrible secrets, but unlike Bryce, Clay would put the truth before his desires and tell Tony before anything escalated.

"Wait, Tony, stop," Clay murmured, untangling his limbs from Tony and pulling away from his embrace. He watched as pain and regret flashed in Tony's eyes, obviously showing that he thought Clay was going to reject him. Clay leaned in and gave an affectionate peck on the cheek, reassuring the boy that he did return Tony's feelings. "I feel the same way, but I think there's something you should know before we do that."

Tony nodded, stepping back and letting Clay fully take off his shirt to exhibit the small pair of peculiar wings on his back that twitched anxiously under Tony's gaze. Tony gaped, pinching himself when Clay wasn't looking to make sure that this was reality. He slowly made his way over to Clay, one sluggish step at a time. Clay had his neck hung low at its base, awaiting Tony's disgust and crude comments. The comments never came, and all he felt was a delicate touch on the tip of his wing that morphed into a long stroke down to were it connected to his back. Tony traced around each individual feather, relishing the softness and the way they gave a gentle flap of content when he stroked them tenderly. Tony eventually came and sat down next to Clay, staring deep into the perplexed blue pools, giving a small smile knowing that Clay was probably showering Tony with silent questions that he was too scared to ask him to his face. So, he answered them all in one word.

"Beautiful."

" _What_?"

"Your wings, they're beautiful."

Clay stared at Tony, his eyebrows furrowed. Tony should've been the one staring at Clay as if he were an alien, not because he had wings, but because he couldn't seem to comprehend how gorgeous his wings were and only saw how useless and how much of a burden they were.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Tony asked quietly, once again reached up and stroking them in a soothing manner that calmed Clay's tense muscles immediately. "Younger me wouldn't have thought of you any differently. In fact, I would probably worship you."

Clay gave a soft chuckle at this, resting his head on Tony's shoulder. "I remember once this was this boy in kindergarten who was my best friend, and I got the guts to show him. He started screaming and he tried 'ripping them off' because they weren't normal."

"I was never a normal kid, being shy and quiet, and unlike my classmates I didn't have a lot of friends. I guess hearing him confirm that I was even more of a outcast than I originally thought made me never want to tell anyone," Clay finished, his voice soft and hushed so Tony knew that the words were meant for only him to hear. The thought warmed his heart as he pulled Clay closer than ever, wanting his warmth to radiate of him and warm Clay from head to toe.

"I think they're breathtaking," Tony whispered, burying his face close to Clay's ear once again. "Just like you. They suite you."

Clay couldn't contain the overwhelming feeling of happiness that was bubbling, the pure joy booming throughout his body and shaking every bone he had. He leaned in once more and ghosted a kiss over Tony's lips, before pulling away and basking in Tony's sweet smile from the action.

"What did you want to tell me now that I've told you my secret?" Clay asked cheekily.

"This might come as a big surprise," Tony responded sarcastically, folding his arms over his chest. "But I have feelings for a certain boy named Clay Jensen."

"I would've never guessed!" Clay mused, chuckling softly. Clay threw Tony a sly wink before continuing. "He's really lucky to have a guy such as yourself."

"And I'm really lucky to have him."

The two of them laughed in unison before once again melting back into each other's embrace, savoring each gentle touch. Tony enjoyed the feeling of Clay's feathers tickling his side or neck, and Clay just enjoyed the feeling of Tony being _there_ and the crushing weight of keeping such a heavy secret being lifted permanently off his shoulders. Whether or not they stayed like that for hours on end is no one's business except their own.

**Author's Note:**

> W h o a  
> The ending was really cliché, I know, but I thought it was adorable so I kept it.
> 
> The reason I didn't put smut was because I felt like post-canon Clay would be slightly Ace? I know this sounds stupid but with the intense self-hatred that he exhibited during the show I feel like he def has some self image and body issues as residue after the tapes, along with maybe some slight trauma and fear of sexual encounters after what happened to Hannah and Jessica :")
> 
> I feel like I wanted to make it as if he wanted to wait some time to heal, so I made Clay tell Tony to wait and them just be really fluffy and romantic <333
> 
> Feel free to leave comments/criticism, they really make my day :)
> 
> Shout out to my editor: MemesAndDreams for being a meme whore and editing this trash (with a lifetime supply of spammed memes, of course)


End file.
